It’s currently 36 pages of legal analysis and calls for regulation on AI usage in genomic science. It’s 36 pages of some of the best writing I have ever done. And now, it’s 36 pages of editing hell.

I have spent this past summer writing a legal article to be published in my university’s inaugural edition of the new law and technology journal. I have spent hours elbow-deep in research, frying my brain over concepts ranging from the philosophy of ownership of the parts of the self, the societal effects of genomic research, the law’s determination of who owns a gene sequence created by an algorithm, whether certain groups of people are more at risk of genetic exploitation, how political instability is turning the very foundation of health science into a debate, the ethics of mega-corporation’s boost in profits created by their workarounds of current regulations by outsourcing to less-regulated countries, and so, so, so many more. It’s all there, all in a document sitting in the corner of my desktop.

But I can’t submit it yet.

It’s not that I literally can’t submit it, as it is technically done, but I can’t bring myself to send it in. You know why? I am stuck in the most endless cycle of editing. It seems like every day there is a new major breakthrough that I can use to support this one specific topic in Section XIV, or another statement that is wholly unsubstantiated by research coming out of the mouth of the very unqualified Secretary of Health and Human Services that would perfectly support literally anything I talk about in Section VIII. How can I stop now when every day something else comes out? There have been times when weeks or months go by without a single edit being made because I simply don’t know how to rewrite the entire paper with all the new information that has emerged. For example, within one of the sections of the paper, I have written a few paragraphs on the risks of the AI regulation moratorium that was written into the first few drafts of the One Big Beautiful Bill Act. I had gone on to make an incredible point about how detrimental that regulation moratorium would be in a time where AI’s development and its subsequent use in so many sectors of life is growing exponentially. Not even a week later, the Senate took out that clause, and that section of my paper had to be completely rewritten with different evidence. Though the result ended up supporting my overall argument, and I was still able to reference it, there have been so many more instances where I have had to change and adapt entire sections, many of which span three to five pages, to the current news. Now, if the paper itself were simply a two-pager arguing one aspect of the overarching topic, it would be so much easier to keep up with. But, damn, so far, 36 pages, 14 sections, over 200 research papers, articles, journals, and documentaries cited in my bibliography, with hundreds of in-text citations, it feels impossible to keep up with it all. When do I say “No more,” and submit it?

I don’t know. I’m praying my editor texts me one of these days and says, “Lauren, I need you to submit it in two days.” But as of right now, I don’t have a deadline, and I think that is the worst part of it all. Deadlines make the world go round, as long as they are given by other people. But, in situations where you have to actually make a deadline for yourself, how do you hold yourself to it? Whether you are writing a book and setting chapter deadlines, trying to lose weight and having to meet a self-set weight goal by a certain date, or are staring at a half-done home improvement project that you suddenly declare will be done by the end of the week, self-set deadlines are how we progress in our day-to-day lives. It’s how we move forward.

Now, why can’t we hold ourselves to these deadlines as well as if someone else sets one for us?

We have grown up in a world that has taught us that something only has value if others agree that it has value. That’s why, especially in this day and age, it is hard to find value in yourself and in your vision, alone. The issue? You don’t take yourself seriously enough to respect the deadlines you set. Ouch. But it’s true, isn’t it? You take your boss seriously enough to get that pitch in to her on time, so why don’t you have the same discipline or respect for yourself to finish putting in those shelves by Saturday? Maybe it’s time to do some introspective work. The lesson? You are responsible for everything that you achieve, as well as for everything that you don’t achieve. Do not let yourself stand in the way of your own growth. And if that wasn’t targeted enough, let me hit you again: Are you going to become the person you want to be, or are you going to let others make those decisions for you? Are you going to take hold of your life’s course, or are you going to have others determine what your path and priorities should be, and then stand there and watch them become the person you dreamed of being? Take a second to think about that.

I wouldn’t be doing my due diligence if I didn’t also mention that time is a bitch. Sorry, I mean factor. Have you ever looked at a clock and watched the second hand for a full rotation? It’s one of the most terrifying things to think about as a human. Mortality is scary. The only thing you truly have is the great right now, this very second. Everything in the past is a memory, and everything in the future is an outcome – an outcome of what you do in the present. So, obviously, time optimization is absolutely vital to the success of reaching goals. But, there is a variable in the process of time optimization that many times people forget in the grand equation. Willpower. Yes, the human spirit is indomitable, and we as individuals and as a species have overcome unimaginable odds, but willpower is a limited resource. Don’t think so? You’re wrong. Now, don’t misunderstand me, willpower is like a muscle, and the more you exercise it with self-control, delayed gratification, etc., the stronger it will become and the more stamina it will develop. But the muscle can get tired, and if exhausted for too long a time playing defense against the temptations of the world, or even against the simple enjoyments that you think you don’t have time for, it can fail. This fatigue in willpower that you feel on a day-to-day basis is another reason you have issues sticking to self-set deadlines. Did I lose you? Stay with me now. Take a look at your schedule. Have you penciled in time to allow yourself to, not relax, but to actually enjoy what you are doing? You can overcome the mental exhaustion of a jam-packed schedule if there are at least a few things in there that you actually like doing. But, if not, you may find yourself completely unmotivated, putting your personal goals on the back burner in place of the necessary, but generally mundane, tasks that we must do in any particular way society deems in order to be socially accepted. I’m not saying you have to stop and smell the roses with every task you do, but I promise you will benefit from at least taking a moment to glance at them as you run by.

I know this has been long, so I want to leave off with one final note. Be a person of your word – 100% – no ifs, ands, or buts. If you make a habit of doing exactly what you say you are going to do, you will develop a discipline that most people could only dream of. This is how you stretch and train your willpower muscles for offense. Start super small. “I’m going to do a push-up right now.” Done. “I’m going to do my dishes immediately after I finish cooking.” Done. “I am going to write my first blog post in 5 months today.” (almost) Done. If you train yourself to do what you say you are going to do, you will develop a habit of success – success on your terms. Start in your personal life, household chores, day-to-day interactions, etc. Then branch out to other facets. You can even say, “I am going to raise my hand in class today,” and it will be done because you said it would. Eventually, move to your larger goals, and speak them into existence. “I am going to run for politics within the next 15 years.” Great, you have a long-term goal with a deadline – start building and refining the plan now. Eventually, setting a deadline for yourself won’t seem daunting; it won’t even feel like a deadline. If you shift your mindset from having to do something to getting to do something to achieve a goal, you are activating the reward center of your brain and rewiring it to give you happy chemicals when you think about starting a task. Why? You said you are going to do it, so it will happen.

Don’t ever stand in your own way. My favorite motivator: Live life like you are your 90-year-old self who gets one last day in your body, at your current age, right now.

So, if you don’t hear from me for the rest of the week, I’ll be working on my paper. It will be completed and submitted by 0900 on Monday, October 6th. Then, we will be back to our regularly scheduled program.